I’ve been listening to a series of lectures on the great ideas of Philosophy lately, delivered by some sort of Oxford Professor and published by The Teaching Company. A lot of the Hellenic (Greek) Philosophers focused much of their thought toward the Problem of Society: what is the purpose of government and what should our place be within it? Integral to these concepts is the question: what kind of life should I live?
I believe that an early reliance on Religion has crippled me from being able to develop a practical world-view. (I will detail much of my silliest religious experiences in a later entry, although I’m sure I have rambled about their implications before in the past.) Religion imbues a person with total confidence in the existence of Absolute Values, one’s own worth (as a being loved by God), and an overarching, ultimate purpose to life. I was heavily indoctrinated with such things as a child, and since my mind dominates my perception of reality (even taking predominance over my senses) it came as a shock to me to realize that the majority of people do not live up to their supposed beliefs. A lot of this was due to the behavior of my Father (which I may or may not go into later, given that everyone on this planet seems to have “Daddy issues”).
This reminds me of a Metafilter thread in which many of the participants discussed the same things, and it seems to be common with more thoughtful individuals, or “losers” as some might say. It seems from my friendships that those who have a more grounded understanding of the world realize almost instinctually that virtue is a thing to be striven for, not to be attained, and a person’s actions will always be contradictory and self-defeating. However, another person’s failures should not form the justification for your own behavior, and thus it is always worthwhile to try to be a better person. These understandings rarely reach a conscious level, to the point where they are debated and discussed. They are just accepted as givens. However, concurrent with this understanding is an intrinsic lack of awareness about one’s own flaws; thus, the tendency to quickly judge others while finding oneself to be infallible.
I spoke about Cynicism in a previous entry, and much of my current thinking on the subject of virtue and one’s responsibility to society is colored by the poison of Cynicism. One can safely say that I avoid immoral or unethical behavior merely for the sake of avoiding punishment or ostracism. Those character flaws which yield no punishment or negative judgment on behalf of one’s peers, I engage in with abandon. At the same time, I find only the utmost of self-sacrifice to be truly virtuous — for example, the person who sacrifices all of his wealth to feed the poor or live a monastic lifestyle. Anyone serving any other capacity in society is suspect, since they participate in that society and are thus corrupted by its materialism and greed. In every case I am a failed idealist.
Even though my Religion has been taken away from me, I still tend to think of things in Absolutes. If a person suffers from character flaws of any fashion, particularly ones that are egregious, unrecognized or championed as virtues, it is impossible for them to be considered virtuous in any sense. This extends to considerations of competition, arrogance, success, material wealth, and popularity. (One criticism of this is that it is a “loser’s philosophy” and a form of “sour grapes,” which it is, but I will discuss that more later.) To me, the ultimate form of person will always be Christ — scorned and reviled by society, completely without judgment, and sacrificial of one’s own life. Despite my prevailing Agnosticism (and Atheism at times) I still hold the values I was raised in at my core, and find nearly everyone I meet to be lacking in respect to them.
Supposed “Christians” are at the forefront of my loathing for Humanity, because they hold themselves in esteem because of their supposed virtue when in actuality they are anything but. Unlike those who have a more practical attitude toward life, I allow these failings to justify my own. I talked about some of this in my entry on Cynicism. It may be a rationalization or the cause of my behavior, but I always interpret things that portray me in the most negative light, thus I tend to think it is the former. No matter how valuable I may find the virtuous life, I consider it worthless due to the existence of the virtueless. I think what hammers this attitude home even further is the fact that virtueless people are often rewarded in a materialistic society like ours — not only are they better off, but interviews and questionnaires have shown that such people find themselves to be happier. Happiness is possible for those who behave in a purely materialistic fashion, but primarily those who succeed in it.
In a larger sense, I am skeptical of the benefits of a lawful society because such laws are frequently skewed to the benefit of those who currently hold power. Certainly that is the case in American society, where self-medicating drug addicts (and those that cater to them) are punished with long imprisonment (and the eventual abuse at the hands of their fellow prisoners) while those who actually cause severe damage to our entire economic system are punished mildly or not at all. Unlike many Leftists, however, and more like the Christians, I believe that any economic system (which the prevailing dichotomy is between Capitalism and Communism) suffers from the same disproportion and corruption, since such factors are elements of human nature. As typical of my pessimistic attitude, I find the actions of one man insufficient to change any of this, and so value withdrawal from society as more virtuous than participation in it.
What this means is that I can never find someone who meets my highest expectations. The only people reported in human history to have ever succeeded in this are gods. When I find that virtue is ultimately impossible, my instinct is to simply dispense with all this virtue bunk completely and live a life based on convenience and pleasure. As a result, my life is largely empty and without value . . . . a desire to maximize pleasure ironically minimizes it instead. I have a feeling that if I tried to fashion my own life to be in line with the virtues I claim to hold, I would be a happier person . . . . But in any case those virtues would primarily consist of Christlike ones.