This entry builds off of a previous entry about morals, which revealed that my ideal of the perfect person is essentially Christ-like and Ascetic.
We live in an extremely materialistic society. I don’t think the breadth and scope of materialism has ever been exceeded in the history of Humanity. Nearly all explanations about the human mind and one’s lifestyle have been reduced to material ones, with attendant medications for addressing this or that disorder. Even the concept of free will has been discarded as unlikely in many cases, expressed in a viewpoint I once read: “Probably as humans we don’t have free will at all, but it’s better to believe that we do.” In addition, those who have participated in material success are held up for praise and worship by the popular culture, with one’s worth and character judged by the amount of money one has or the attractiveness of one’s girlfriend.
You would think that a purely materialistic view of the world would excuse people from responsibility for their lot in life, but this is not the case.
These ideals have so infected our culture that they are impossible to escape, even on a “nerd haven” like the Internet. If anyone would find value in the particulars of their own lives rather than external standards for success, you’d think the defectives and outcasts of the Internet would. However, reading various webforums over the past few weeks, I’ve become extremely cognizant of the level of materialism present in a lot of people’s posts. I’m certain many of them are trolls, but those who experience difficulty socializing with others or integrating into society are mocked and, even worse, blamed for their own problems. Common are the exhortations to “man up and quit being a pussy” or “kill yourself.”
What’s ironic about all this is that many of the people posting such inflammatory views are defectives themselves. Given the frequency with which one encounters them on webforums, I have a suspicion that people only gravitate toward online interaction because they have a lack of it in their “real” lives. Even worse, it seems that those outcasts present on the Internet are actually more scathing and judgmental in their criticisms than so-called “normal” people, going out of their way to find and mock people they consider to be “lesser” than themselves, all the while making rationalizations for their own flaws.
No matter how free-willed and independent you are, constant exposure to these viewpoints begins to infect you with their values. You take to looking down on people who are different from you, who have problems that they largely haven’t chosen and can’t control. You judge people’s attractiveness before any other aspect about them; never mind your own social status, you can always find someone worse off than yourself. Perhaps it is merely a way to compensate for one’s own inadequacies; in any case, I feel it is an unfair way to treat others, lacking in compassion and basic Humanity.
Some might counter that mankind has always been this way, and it comes from our common evolutionary background. That is probably correct, but part of the advantage of being human is that we can order our lives based on what is morally and ethically “right,” rather than what we are predisposed to by our biology. Certainly there have been eras throughout history where materialism was less widespread, or at least not expressed as a standard by nearly every philosophical authority. One can even find it among the religious nowadays, with so-called “prosperity preachers” and the like.
With this constant exposure to materialism and especially the criticisms leveled against me personally, I find myself “buying in” to this belief system completely, and judging any activity as worthless unless it brings me some form of pleasure. Likewise, I consider escapist entertainment to be completely justified given one’s inability to experience fulfillment according to society’s standards for success. I suppose I would take the position that to be a “Brain in a Vat,” programmed to receive nothing but positive experiences, would be vastly superior to living in a world where failure and mediocrity are part and parcel for the vast majority of humanity.
Nevertheless, even if one were a “Brain in a Vat,” one would eventually get used to the constant stream of pleasurable experiences and become inured to them. They wouldn’t hold the same luster as they once did. I consider this to be one of the awful curses of Humanity, and a reason why I view this existence as a sort of prison: that no matter how good and unique one’s circumstances are, one eventually becomes accustomed to them and they hold less meaning. I suppose the flip side of the coin is that one eventually becomes accustomed to negative circumstances as well, so in that sense it may be a blessing.
Because of the infectious nature of materialism, I have discarded any notions of relative success as well. The frequent expression of happiness in one’s own life is living up to one’s potential; that is, you should take satisfaction in your life if you have earnestly worked at doing your best in whatever you try. The constant ridicule and judgment I see in others makes me consider this utterly worthless, and that the path of the coward and the lazy and the despicable is the easiest path for someone with significant disadvantages. For example, if I were to find someone to live out the rest of my life with, that girl can be easily mocked as “fat,” “unattractive,” “needy” or somesuch pejorative. As a result, any attempt I make will be inferior to the standards of others, so it’s not worth attempting. (I have written in an earlier entry how easily influenced I am by others’ opinions; I do not have a very strong will in any respect.)
I don’t really believe all this, though. I judge myself just as harshly as society does, but not quite harshly enough to do something about it. Perhaps if I were able to get rid of all my own expectations for myself, I would be happier and better off. There have been times that I have been medicated to such a degree that I have actually lived in this condition; not giving a thought to my own inadequacies and just enjoying my recreation and the company of my family and friends. A nagging suspicion remains that I would feel more satisfied with myself if I tried harder, but as mentioned earlier, I would still hold myself up to unrealistic standards that can never be met.