Dear Caco-Bot:
I dreamed I was in the post-apocalypse. Fallout, but all desert. I was part of a criminal band led by a rogue in a seersucker suit called The General. He was killed in a skirmish with another band. By tradition, the leader of the winning band could decide whether to kill or absorb the losing band. Except the opposing leader was a straight up Yeti. Tall and imposing, he wore a woven white cloak sewn from his own fur. His gnarled bare fingers and toes had many rings studded with gems. He had hair and a beard like Kenny Rogers. Why are these leaders so flamboyant? He offered me a game of cards he invented called “Doors.” “If you figure out how to beat me at my own game, I will spare you.” The cards were lacquered plastic with a Yeti torso on the rear. The front contained one to three closed oak doors on the top. On the bottom was the face of a die – one to six. The doors were just “Doors.” The dice were “Bids.” You would draw through the deck one at a time and play Doors to try to win with Bids. “I will teach you as you play.” I drew through until I got two Doors. I asked the Yeti what to do. Grinning, the Yeti said “Play it. If you win the two Bids, you got two Doors, which are points.” I knew then that you must balance Doors with Bids. Saving the cards with high Bids for later, even if they had many Doors. This one had two Doors, but a Bid of six. I put the card back. The Yeti grew angry. “You already know how to play.” “You win, and I will absorb your band.” “But I will kill you specifically.” Then he drew a pearl handled revolver and shot me between the eyes.