The next person I fell for was Carrie at the small Christian school I was at, and this episode was only passing, similar to my previous one. The big crush, that for Andrea, didn’t happen until later. I can’t remember my exact age at the time, but I think it was my junior or senior year, since I was hanging out with Darron all the time, and we didn’t become friends until then. So, I was 16 or 17.
Carrie was a popular blonde — Captain of the Volleyball Team — and unlike most students at the school her entire family was Pentecostal. (My school was Fundamentalist Baptist.) She only came to the school because there were very few Christian schools in [REDACTED] at the time. (I’m certain her parents would have preferred to send her to a Pentecostal or other tongue-speaking Church-School.)
I don’t recall being extremely obsessed with her as I became in many of my later crushes, but I did have a passing fancy for her. It was an obvious choice — much like nerds and social outcasts throughout history I have a tendency to prefer the unattainable and a willful lack of ignorance about my chances at success — at least before my numerous failures, that is. I’m a bit embarrassed about the type of girl I used to have crushes on, and what annoys me about it is that I keep the same high standards for beauty that I have always held.
I think now though, with a newfound awareness of my “place” and how most people seem to unconsciously put themselves in “leagues,” I would be a bit more realistic in my choices. Oh, I doubt I would truly fall in love with someone at first sight, but rather would have to “settle” and learn to love someone, as so many do.
I had felt an attraction to Carrie for some time, and one day while we were traveling to a basketball game in the school’s van (they have since acquired a bus, with the name on the side and everything), Darron and I somehow started talking about the girls we liked in school. I was extremely reluctant to admit it at first, but eventually Big D wheedled it out of me and I told him that I kind of had a thing for Carrie. He got a rather uncomfortable and disturbed look on his face and became strangely silent. After a couple of hours, he reluctantly told me that he, too, had a crush on her, it was quite severe, and he had felt this way for a long time.
Over the next few months, Darron found out that the attraction was mutual, and he and Carrie developed a high school romance. He was Captain of the Basketball Team, so it was a natural pairing. I felt that since Darron was such a good friend of mine, there was no way I could intrude or compete with him for Carrie’s attention, so I never pursued anything. At the time, I felt that I was a Noble Knight of some kind, sacrificing his chances at love for the sake of loyalty, but really I probably never had a chance to begin with. Carrie however seemed to pay more attention to me from that point on — perhaps Darron told her about my feelings and she was a bit flattered to know that two guys had such a thing for her. Later, as Darron’s relationship with her soured, she tried to use me to make him jealous.
The romance progressed well for awhile and Darron eventually took her to the big banquet at the Accelerated Christian Education State Convention. This was the “big date” for Christian Schools because dances were not permitted. (Baptists are not allowed to Fornicate, you see, because it leads to Dancing. Har, har.)
I don’t know if Darron and Carrie ever had any sexual activity, because the girls of the school were prudish at heart while they were young, no matter how big of a tease they were on the surface.
After the banquet, things began to go south. Carrie’s parents had found out about her relationship with Darron, and they were aghast that their daughter had chosen a Baptist to get involved with. More than that, Darron was a Worldly individual, listening to rock and watching R-rated movies, and generally cursing a lot, showing disrespect to his Elders, and influencing those surrounding him toward Sin.
So they began to put heavy pressure on Carrie to break off the courtship. I never thought she was an extremely devout person, but she eventually told Darron that the relationship had to go. (Maybe she just lost interest.)
Right about the time things started to go bad, Carrie started hanging around me more, flirting with me and inviting me to go with her to some kind of Pentecostal Bible college in Missouri. This enraged Darron, and it was almost as though he couldn’t believe that Carrie would do such a thing. I knew her behavior was all a ploy, but I still fantasized about something happening between us. Because of my loyalty to Darron though, I didn’t play along. Besides, about the time this was going on, I developed a severe infatuation with a girl named Andrea which would consume me most of my senior year. (I’ll go into that one next time.)