I felt extremely odd last night. I would look up at the trees and think… what are these mysterious organisms extending their tendrils to the sky? Why is there this vast expanse of empty space filled with burning fireballs of Helium and Hydrogen? Why do I have a physical form with two arms and legs, and why do I excrete mushy stinking material out of a hole in my body? In short, I felt as though the world was a strange and alien place, and that my body was foreign and incomprehensible. It was almost a feeling of Wrongness, as though this Universe was some kind of Blight on the very nature of Reality. Physically, I felt a sense of vertigo and dizziness along with the typical “fuzzy head syndrome.” I guess you could say I “felt crazy.”
I told Delbert about these feelings and asked him if he had ever felt that way or asked such questions. He snorted dismissively and said, “Sure… but I grew out of it.”
I sat down to watch Obama’s speech to Congress about the economy, and the feeling manifested itself in other ways. I felt an ineffable sense that I was in one particular time and place that would never come again, and that important events were happening right now in America and the World that would change the course of history forever.
I felt that the “Real Truth” of the country’s circumstances was only known to a handful of people, that they knew the future was incredibly dire, and they were trying to keep this a secret from 99% of the public in a desperate attempt to pull something out of their asses that will save the country from violence and ruin.
Another part of me felt that this secret knowledge was intentional, that the economy was being purposefully wrecked so the last 200 years of progress and freedom could be undone so that the leaders of the world could force everyone into a life of servitude.
I told my brother about these thoughts and he said I was “reading too much news.” I recently got a free subscription to the Wall Street Journal by answering surveys, so I wanted a Liberal counterpart to that and got an online subscription to the Herald-Leader as well. I have been reading a lot more news in the mornings, as well as browsing the Internet more, and stumbling across predictions of economic collapse.
Anyway, Bro has been hammering down on me about this lately, asking me how I feel and what I think, and insisting that I stop reading pretty much anything like that.
Last year when I did exactly that, I worried a lot less about the state of the world. I like to think that by reading all this information I will be “ahead of the curve” and somehow know I need to take drastic steps right before disaster occurs. I haven’t done any Emergency Preparedness yet (we didn’t even have candles when the power went out for God’s sake), so I don’t know why I think I’ll do it in the future. About the only benefit I get from so much reading is being able to discuss interesting articles with others. But I focus on the negative ones anyway, so most people don’t want to hear it. I guess I’ll stop reading. I feel sorry for the delivery person though… coming here so early to deliver a newspaper that will never be read.