I dreamed I was out in the woods with Bill, Al, my brother and several other friends, and we were all about to smoke some weed. It had been a long time and I was rather nervous about it. Bill broke out a piece of it and handed it to me for me to inspect. It was pretty good, a vibrant green, covered with crystals.
Before we could smoke anything, a strange kid approached riding a bicycle. I quickly hid the piece that I had in my pocket and we started to walk away. I pulled Bill to one side and said, “Man, I can’t be carrying this around, it’ll be just like last time.” As we neared the city, out of nowhere there were cops walking behind us. They started to follow us. “What do you think they’ve been doing?” one cop said to another. “I don’t know, drinking or snorting pills probably.” I tried to surreptitiously scrape the weed out of my pocket onto the sidewalk. This was a mistake as the cops immediately noticed and pulled me aside.
“You’re coming with us,” one said. They took me to the station into a secluded room and started to grill me about what I’d been doing. “I won’t say anything without a lawyer,” I maintained. “Well,” one cop said, “we’ll just have to beat it out of him.” They then took off their holsters (?) and started to beat me with them. Eventually I started wailing, “I respect police, but not the police as they’ve become today. The police I know and respect would never do something like this.” It was a very impassioned moment, and the cops suddenly had tears well in their eyes and they decided to let me go.
Afterward I gathered all my friends together and tried to tell them about the experience. However there was something wrong with my voice, I couldn’t tell the story in anything above a whisper. We ended up going to some concert where I somehow got weed particles on a blanket I was carrying and a cop noticed them with some special scanner. I went through the whole rigmarole again, absent the beatings this time, and eventually they let me go.
All of a sudden I was with my brother and we had the ability to shapeshift. We transformed into giant lions and went about various children’s hospitals cheering up the kids. However, Christmas was approaching so the kids lost interest in us very quickly in favor of Santa Claus and Christmas specials on television. I remember feeling quite disappointed that I couldn’t hold the kids’ interest for very long. I moved into a back room where there was a Christmas tree and shapeshifted into a beautiful woman.
Just as suddenly, I was at a party and it came over the news that the top celebrity people wanted to see naked was Jamie Lee Curtis. (Erg.) It just so happens that she was there at the party and I said, “So, do you want to be me?” and Jamie Lee Curtis answered, “Sure!” I replied, “Even if you’ll regret it later?”
Then without warning her kidneys sprang from her body and blood started running from her abdomen all over the place. I looked over at her and she was a burly, heavyset man with a beard who said, “Goddammit, Mom must’ve sold my kidneys.”
He was hooked up to a special machine and his kidneys were reattached with tubing; I could see some sort of beef stew looking stuff traveling between them. Apparently this machine was the only thing keeping him alive, and I remember telling someone “You need at least one kidney to live.” Then, for some reason, I had no kidneys either and I was attempting to program a makeover computer to give fabulous makeovers to an android. Somebody said to me, “You need to get a kidney or you’ll die!” I blacked out, and when I came to I was hooked up to the same type of machine with my kidneys exposed on the outside.
It was about here that I woke up.