I’ve been reading Proverbs recently, and I have to admit the many verses about the Sloth or Sluggard cut me to the bone. I am not an industrious person, not by any means. I view every form of effort as worthless, because it will probably get you little in this life, be taken away from you, and rendered meaningless when you die. I fear attempting anything because of the possibility that it will make my situation worse. I ignore opportunities and sleep through productive seasons. I constantly make up excuses, like the “lion roaring in the street.” I consider myself to be wise because I perceive how the world really works: that all striving serves no purpose in the end.
What I’ve recently realized is Proverbs’ frequent warnings about the end result of Sloth: while it may be true that man’s life is transitory and hard work is not often rewarded, to be Slothful will only make your situation worse. I have certainly experienced that in my life, particularly with the inability to recognize and work for opportunities. The thing I regret probably the most in this regard is my dropping out of college. If I had not dropped out, I would probably be working an IT job, and be able to at least provide for myself. Of course, my Slothful side will insist that even this would have been pointless given my eventual slide into a Mental Disorder.
But I don’t know. Even today my Slothfulness makes my situation worse. My room is in a shambles. My body is in disrepair. I constantly feel bad about myself because of my unwillingness to make any effort, and I am constantly being reminded of this failing by my friends, and certainly scorned by them in secret. Proverbs also says that a wise man receives instruction and listens to counselors, and though I complain about my problems constantly and ask my friends for advice in overcoming them, I never put into action what they recommend. I’m a terrible person.
Our society is one in which Sloth is not discouraged. Of course, a Slothful person will always be scorned and, as a sermon I read pointed out, frequently more so than the Arrogant or Wrathful, but our government programs are sometimes set up to reward Sloth. I don’t like to admit this, given my Liberal proclivities, but knowing the nature of man (by reason of my own nature) allows me to realize that a lot of people on Government Assistance don’t deserve to be, a lot of people receiving Unemployment Benefits aren’t really looking for work, a lot of people keep themselves in poverty so they can live without effort. It’s only natural, otherwise Proverbs wouldn’t contain so many exhortations against it.
Lately, because of developments in my physical health situation, I’ve been seriously considering more Religious topics. It’s really been a trial for me. I’ve written before how I often wish I still held the Faith of my youth, and how I wish I still had the certainty and comfort offered by true belief in the Lord. As I face the possibility of serious physical hardship, and even greater embarrassment at an inability to establish independence, I find myself anxious and afraid, and long for the Eternal Comfort that a Relationship with God brings. I also find myself calling out to God for help in this time of trouble, like a worthless man who only draws nigh when he is suffering, and forgets the Lord in his time of plenty. When I read Proverbs, and I hear proclamations about the Sluggard and the Foul Weather Saint, I feel like I don’t deserve to ask God for anything. So I beg him: “I know I don’t deserve it, Lord, but please help me.” It would be extremely difficult to live a Virtuous life.
Of course, Dad and many other Christians say that it is impossible to live a Virtuous life without Jesus basically doing it for you. Delbert uses verses to that effect to justify his many failings. He believes that so long as he pays lip service to Christian values that he will be alright, and assured an eternity of bliss in Heaven. As you can probably surmise, I don’t believe this. I think that, if you’re a Christian and you think you have the right to ask God for help, that you should at least make an effort to live righteously and to worship Him. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that, and along with my many doubts about Christianity, it prevents me from truly relying on the Lord.
But Proverbs makes me want to change all that. Perhaps I am in too ill health to “work the fields,” or perform manual labor, but I could at least try to do something. But of course this won’t last long. Soon I’ll lose all motivation and engage in “a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep” and my ruination will only be magnified.