Today was a terrible day. Massive relapse in almost every respect, total paranoia exploding from every orifice to the point where I could barely function. I was hanging around an un-named individual who described himself as a “conspiracy theorist” and believes a lot of crazy things regarding being monitored at all times as secret unmarked CIA cars patrol our rural Kentucky town (population 20,000). He also holds some unpopular political views (like myself) and frequently associates with a guy who is a total unthinking dangerous reactionary, so I actually believed for a moment that he was being monitored in some way.
He basically went about reinforcing nearly every irrational moonbat suspicion I have, and I was totally convinced he knew what he was talking about given the authoritativeness with which he spoke on the matter. For example, he does a lot of driving in the area and claimed to know “every vehicle that frequents certain regions of the county.” He said he found it quite suspicious when he would notice perfectly polished Lexus luxury sedans with two professional looking individuals inside cruising around in the equivalent of the “country ghetto.” He asked me what I thought when I looked at the car, and my instant reaction was “two overpaid pricks” but to impress him I said “government agents” and he took that crap and ran with it all the way to touchdown.
Then, later, just about the worst possible series of total coincidences erupted. He just got DSL and has no firewall so I installed ZoneAlarm, and within 5 seconds of installing it he already had perhaps 24 unauthorized intrusion attempts. Right after this happened, the phone rang, he picked it up and said “Hello” in an annoyed voice; then nothing, then said “It’s you, isn’t it! My friend has shut down access to my computer and you don’t like that, do you?” and then hung up with a slam. I freaked out. I picked up the phone and it said “Craftmatic Adjustable Beds” so I was like, okay telemarketer. Called them back, and it was a local residence of someone who had no idea that they had just placed a call to us.
This drove me literally insane. I said, “Man, you probably are being monitored, whoever that is can fool the caller ID system” despite the fact that caller ID’s for out of range calls are notoriously inaccurate. After this I started developing such paranoid fears that I could barely function. I even ceased trusting the guy I was with even though I’ve known his family since about 1991. He said, “Come down into my basement, I want to show you something,” and my instant reaction was “He’s taking me down there to an enclosed area where nobody can see me in order to kill me and dispose of the body” and I refused to follow him, opting instead to stay on the front porch where I could be in clear view of any secretly hidden cameras, microphones and lip reading devices that might be active in backwoods Kentucky, thus if he tried to execute me for knowing too much at least there would be evidence somebody would have to delete.
I like to think he didn’t do it on purpose but sometimes I wonder if he did. I suspect he just had no clue how bad of an idea it was to encourage me given my past history, which he knew very little about. When I finally got away from his house and back to my own, nobody was here except for the dog, and I was
running in such circles afraid for my life that I had to take two Tylenol PM just to calm down. Luckily these effectively deactivated my shattered, pathetic brain by sending me into an instant coma which was a giant relief since that sputtering, misfiring piece of trash had obviously gone full core meltdown at that point. By the time I woke up, the fears had passed. I thought this whole time I was impervious to such a thing ever happening again but apparently that is totally untrue.
I do feel rather guilty because I promised Jacob I would be back on around 2 PM today but obviously couldn’t handle it at that point. Oh well. Time to talk to my psychiatrist.