The day began today with Dad and I going for breakfast at the Waffle House. I had a waffle and some coffee and we talked a little bit about his website, which I have been working on. For those interested, the site is at [REDACTED]. It’s pretty crappy right now because I only know the most basic HTML design
functions, so give me a break.
Afterward I went to the library and picked up a couple more Schizophrenia case studies to read. Ostensibly this is for an eventual novel with a Schizophrenic main character, but who knows if I’ll ever actually get down to writing it. Some of the books are interesting to read, anyway. I was pleased to find that instead of an over $50 late fee, I owed the library only 45 cents. . . .
Then I worked on Dad’s website for a couple of hours, adding new CD projects to the list available for download on the site. The idea behind the website is to provide a place for people to download Gospel CD projects Dad has produced involving his students and other acquaintances, combined with a podcast of his weekly radio program so people can find out about it. I’ve already created the podcast and listed it on iTunes. . . . Not that I think anyone will be interested in this, it’s all Gospel music with a Country / Western slant, as befits Dad’s home at East [REDACTED] Baptist Church. I tend to want to pull my hair out if I listen to it for a very long period of time.
Then, at about 2 PM, my Cousin came over. My Dad has been pestering me to call her for help with my apartment. She cleans houses for a living. He talked to her about it today and insisted that I call her, so I did and invited her over. She took a look at the place and, after general shock and revulsion, made
an appointment to clean it with me on Saturday. In addition, though, she spent about 3 hours visiting with me. What struck me about her is, despite all the problems she’s faced in her life, including a divorce, drug abuse, and who knows what else (she’s kind of a hell-raisin’ country girl), she maintains a bright and pleasant disposition. We talked about the past, about our childhoods, about our hobbies and current life circumstances, about many different topics. I have to say that having her over was the highlight of my day, although by the end I was sleepy and ready for a nap, so I was glad to see her go. It would be quite pleasant if she could work me in for a visit every month or so.
When she left, I took my desired nap and got up to start reading about Mind Control. I’m in the process of writing a short story about a fellow who believes he is the victim of a mind control experiment, so I’ve been visiting some rather unusual websites about the subject, put together by people who actually believe such things. They call them “voice hearers” — people who, despite no other symptoms of Schizophrenia, hear voices that aren’t there. The victims’ term for themselves is “Targeted Individuals” and the Washington Post recently had an article about them. The article is what peaked my interest and made me think I could get a good story out of it. . . .
I wrote the story once already, but was unsatisfied with the lack of conflict or resolution in the piece, so decided to go back and rewrite it with more detail. I found I didn’t have enough knowledge of the subject to add much more than what was already there, thus the additional reading on the Internet. A lot of the stuff I read is very ridiculous and I get the impression from other things I’ve read that most of these victims’ fears are largely unsubstantiated or discredited. So it makes it hard to read such loony theories at times, but I persist in the interest of the pursuit of knowledge.
The book excerpts I just finished reading were from a tome called “The Search for the Manchurian Candidate” and it was actually a rather mainstream, well-sourced book by one of the initial MKULTRA journalists. The book suggests at the end that despite MKULTRA’s exposure and shutdown, government behavioral projects continued in full force, and who’s to say what accomplishments they’ve made with new technologies? Who knows. All I can say is, if mind control and behavior modification do exist, I hope I’m never a target for it.
Reading such topics — mind control, paranoia, Schizophrenia — sometimes make me feel as if I’m on the verge of insanity myself, because it brings back the thought patterns I once held when I was firmly convinced of my own status as a target of government interference. It makes me fear that someday I’ll slip back into that mode of thinking and be unable to come out of it — or even worse, that I’ll develop full-fledged Schizophrenic symptoms. I have to say that, although such beliefs make one’s life exciting, they also make it very stressful and filled with terror. I hope I never have a mental slide similar to the one I had back in 2003.
Today Delbert began his summer semester at college. He’s going for an Associates’ Degree in visual communications. I don’t think it’ll do much good in helping him get a job, especially not here in [REDACTED]. But he wishes to try it, I hope he persists in it and at least finishes his degree. Like me, he doesn’t have a very good track record of finishing what he starts. I think I shall call him now and see how things went.