Dreamed I was taken somewhere blindfolded, and Trent Reznor began speaking out of the darkness saying “The test will not begin until thou dost knock three times on the post.” So I knocked three times on the post in front of me and found myself in some kind of underground labyrinth where the floors melted beneath me the longer I stood on them. I made my way to the end and had to fight my way through old-fashioned Kurosawa Samurai as some sort of challenge. Eventually I was taken on by one capable of transforming into some kind of elaborately dressed Jester and got knocked out.
Then I was swimming in a stream somewhere, and saw a strange creature in the clear waters beneath me. It had a crab for a face, a bear’s body, and a rock-like helmet. I realized this was a famous “Boulder Crab Bear” and tried to knock it out by throwing it steaks and hitting it with huge rocks. All this did was make it angry. Then my Brother appeared and squared off with it in a standing position — it came out of the water and faced off in a martial arts pose. I was sure he’d get smashed, but he grabbed its nipples and started playing it like a musical instrument. Turns out he had some kind of “cheat code” that allowed him to manipulate the crab bear however he wished. Weird . . . .
In another dream, somebody had come up with a plan to get me laid, and it involved my getting drunk and naked while being around other drunk, naked girls and letting it come naturally. For some reason, however, I ended up on a Planet of Junk like the Junkions’ home world and I wasn’t even drunk at all. TM was there, and she decided to fuck me out of something like pity. Eventually she did, and then we retired to sleep under piles of junk. For some reason the Junk Planet was a nightmare totalitarian world of evil, and I was being monitored by two giant mentally disabled brothers — twins. Me and TM decided to escape and we dashed for my minicar (kind of like the Jetsons’) and eventually the Twins spotted us. They called out to us, asking if we were allowed to leave, and of course our answer was no. But they decided to let us go as they knew we would be eventually fighting the evil overlords of this planet.
Then for some reason we were chickens flying through space, and we were eating sandwiches made out of our own flesh. I also remember a part where I was at Delbert’s and he had some kind of lover there who had an NSA chip implanted in her jacket. Our plan was to go to a Swingers’ club so I could get some action but we couldn’t do it with this lover around. It had something to do with the chip monitoring our movements. Eventually she found the chip sewn into the hem of her jacket and took it out. She broke it open and said “Look, it’s bogus — it’s not even a real chip.” Some Mercury-like substance flowed from the chip onto the kitchen table, and I knew it was Cesium, an easily detectable radioactive substance, and that’s how they were tracking her. I tried to Google “NSA Cesium tracking” on their computer to find a way to counteract or mask the Cesium, but it was too crappy and slow.