Delbert is going into Counseling. It’s some place called Piedmont, in North Carolina, a religious, Fundamentalist place. I’m afraid when he comes out he’s going to be just another Fundie. He’s been talking about going to Church, reading the Bible . . . . and getting married. I tried to call over at his house tonight and that’s where he is . . . . Church.
Basically the only friend I have in [REDACTED] right now is going to be unavailable. I’ll be sitting here in this crappy garage apartment by myself most of the time, unless my Aunt starts coming to visit me more (which isn’t likely). It gets particularly lonesome around here at night. It’s looking like Lexington would have been a better decision after all. Technically I haven’t signed a lease yet, but it would seem to me to be rather shady to pay the first month’s rent and then skip out without signing a lease. Another thing to worry about is the condition of this place. It will need some serious cleaning before the next person moves in.
I told my therapist about this today and she gave me an application for some place called the Motive Complex which is apparently a group of apartments run by Advantage Clinical Services. They are designed for people with severe mental issues and have activities such as group meetings, etc., as well as being within walking distance of most necessities. It seems like Advantage wants to institutionalize me in all but name, if they had their way. I’m resistant to the idea of living in this place but I told her I would fill out the application and get on the waiting list.
I’ve been really depressed lately — sleeping about 18 hours per day. It seems like once again I am losing enjoyment in most of my hobbies. It all seems so pointless, these mindless forms of entertainment we indulge ourselves in to escape from reality. And it’s all so predictable. Rarely do you see anything new in the world of videogames or movies. I suppose I should become a man of reflection and start reading more weighty books, at least that would stimulate my mind. But part of me thinks even that would be pointless.
I blame the lack of serotonin for my condition. I went off my antidepressants about a month ago because they were giving me “fuzzy head” side effects . . . . and it would take about this long for the lack of serotonin to be noticed. I told my therapist to prescribe me some more today, she gave me a starter dose of Wellbutrin that I’m supposed to take for the coming month. My impression of these drugs is that you feel a bit zombified while you’re on them, but generally satisfied with your circumstances no matter how crappy they are. Just what I need, I guess.